A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To Being "Ready"

Revealing Who You Are Even When It is Embarrassing

Dearest Enthusiasts,

My face has been waging a secret rebellion for more than five years now.

At random intervals … often before big events, sometimes for no reason at all … my eyes swell up like microwaved marshmallows. The skin turns bright red and puffs up like little airbags. I wake up looking like I just got in a heated argument with a troll under a bridge. (Or, more accurately, like I am the troll under the bridge.)

What’s causing this has been a mystery. It's not the fun kind of mystery. There are no cool car chases. No well-dressed detectives. Just me. And my face. And lots of doctor conversations.

TODAY’S LOOK: Sleepy Possum in Crisis

If you’ve been around for a long while, you may have noticed me slipping into the background more and more. I’ve appeared on social media less in videos, fewer photos, and mostly hide behind doodles and words. This is because my face has been regularly doing its best impression of a balloon animal. And it’s been embarrassing. And painful.

For a long time, I didn’t talk about it because I thought it was a passing thing. Or maybe it felt too vain or ridiculous to explain: Sorry, can’t make it today, my face is going through something.

But it has kept me from doing things. From making things. It’s kept me from going to things.

My son took this Polaroid of me just before speaking to 7,000+ teenagers last month. The entire time, I was worried about my face.

It’s been a weird few years. Not just because of the swelling but because of what it had done to who I am. I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding. First from camera, then from events, then from any little thing where my face might be, you know, witnessed.

I began retreating, folding in on myself. I hid behind drawings and words. I regularly offered polite deflections. I canceled events.

I hid behind the hope that maybe, possibly, someday, somehow soon, I could return to the world fully intact, fully present, fully ready.

I convinced myself that I just needed to wait.

Wait until I felt normal again. Wait until I looked normal again. Wait until I was some ideal version of myself that would never, ever look like an emoji that hasn’t loaded properly.

Here’s what I’ve been learning, though:

We’re not made to hide.

If you wait until everything is perfect, you’re just… waiting. Forever.

Because there will always be something …

If not a puffy face, then a bad haircut. If not a bad haircut, then an unmet weight goal. If not that, then a creative slump that convinces you everything you’ve ever made is garbage. Or a wardrobe crisis where nothing feels like ‘you.’ Or deciding you can’t possibly show up until you’ve learned conversational French, because that just seems like something a put-together person would know.

An imaginary finish line that just keeps moving out of reach.

That nagging feeling you need to be more before you can be seen.

So, you wait.

Meanwhile, life is happening.

I’ve decided I am done waiting. My face is my face. Sometimes it’s okay. Sometimes, it looks like I barely survived a duel. Either way, I’m showing up. Allergy and all.

Good news, though! We *think* we’ve arrived at some answers. It seems to be a combination of a few treatable and manageable things. Including a very sneaky fragrance allergy, which is unfortunate because, as it turns out, fragrance is in everything. Lotions, soaps, air fresheners, candles, the air itself. So, my new hobby is interrogating shampoo bottles. “Aha! Linalool! Parabens! You won’t get me this time, Big Fragrance!”

I’m beginning to understand there is no ‘ready.’ There is only now. This moment. Ridiculous, sacred, and fleeting.

There is only the face we have today, and the way the light lands on it, and the people who love us exactly as we are: swollen, tired, sad, stumbling… human. We step forward anyway. To be seen. To be here.

And if you’ve been waiting for the right moment, the right circumstances, the right version of yourself to start living, let me just say: whatever you think is holding you back probably isn’t as big as it might feel.

Unless it’s also a mysterious face-swelling condition. In which case: I get it.

But, please remember:

Life doesn’t wait. Neither should you.

Itsa me.

1. Join me at CURIOSITY IN ACTION: A Conference for Doing! It’s for educators, creatives, and life-long learners. It’s April 26, 2025. Would love to see you there!

2. Do you have your Fix-A-Fail kit yet?

3. Check out our exhibit, We hope you fail better! There are videos, a downloadable gallery guide, and more!