The Theory of Happiness

(Einstein, fish, birds, and *you*)

A young bellhop shows up for work. The year is 1922. Pay is minimal at the hotel, but the guests are interesting. Plus, some of them even tip.

Today, the bellhop has been tasked with making a delivery. He knocks on the door of the room. The door opens and there stands celebrated theoretical physicist Albert Einstein.

Now, how the rest of the story goes depends on who is telling it. Some say Einstein was going to leave a tip, but didn’t have spare change. (He was in the midst of a long stretch of international travel and might’ve been without proper currency.) Some say the bellhop refused a tip. Others say the bellhop realized who he’d encountered and asked for advice. The exacts are unclear, but we do know this:

Einstein takes a sheet of hotel stationery. He writes a quick handwritten theory of happiness and presents it to the young courier.

The note (written in German):

Menahem Kahana/AFP/Getty Images

The advice:

"A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness."

The bellhop kept the note. Good thing, too. It later went on to be sold at auction for more than 1.2 million dollars. This massive sum of money possibly contradicts the ‘calm and modest’ life, Einstein was suggesting … but I doubt the bellhop was too worried about that.

What’s your theory of happiness?

I would love to know what your theory of happiness might be. (Really. Please comment or reply…)

I’ve had many wrong theories of happiness. Maybe my happiness lies in accomplishing something? Nope. Howsabout acquiring something? Still nope. I’ve played the comparison game. Other people sure seem to have it figured out … They look happy… If only I could just be like them …

If only I had…. If only I were … I only I could …

My friend Neil Pasricha wrote a book a few years ago called The Happiness Equation. It’s full of great things, but just last week I picked it up again to revisit this one big thought. In it, he brings out just how much our ideas of happiness and success have been all wrong.

from ‘The Happiness Equation’ by Neil Pasricha

He says our culture has been operating from this mindset:

great work → big success → be happy.

But studies show it really goes much more like:

be happy → great work → big success.

I think there’s something to this. Take the contagious joy of the song ‘If I Were A Fish’. (Experience it here if you have not yet) In it, the singers revel in those rare qualities forming who they are … and who we each are. Yes, the song is catchy. Yes, it contains a much needed message for a social media age.

I think, though, what really sells the song is really just their pure delight in the singing of it. You can hear them laughing all throughout. It’s so playful and that’s what disarmed me on first listen and every listen since. I love it. (The song made me so happy I created this animation of a derpy little fish.)

What does it look like for you to swim as the fish you’re meant to be? To be the happy, but odd bird you are?

“If only I were like the yellow bird…”

“If only I were like red…”

“Zeebeedeeboo tootyzeetoo!”

is all the odd bird said.

Maybe in a culture like ours, happiness is that thing which confuses. It’s the defiant calm in a world that celebrates hustle. The radical peace in the midst of bitter back and forths. The glorious audacity of actually liking things. The silly confidence in not feeling trapped by the highlight reels of others, but eager to shine a light all your own.

May you find happiness. May you be an odd bird. May you confuse us all.

Thanks for being here.

Anytime you buy a book, subscribe to this substack, hire me to speak at your next big event, or leave a kind comment — you help me. Thank you so so so much.