Empathy is dangerous.
Let's be dangerous.
It’s a confusing time to be a person.
I know this because I am a person. I have a heartbeat and emotions, and on my best days, I can successfully identify traffic lights in a CAPTCHA.
Things are changing rapidly. News moves quicker than my brain can process. By the time I’ve formed an opinion, five more new things have happened, rendering my thoughts outdated before I’ve even had the chance to pretend I know what I’m talking about.
But there’s one big thing changing and I cannot get over it:
Empathy.
Did the word make you cringe? Are you recoiling slightly?
Yes, empathy.
The basic human ability to understand that other people exist and have feelings.
The radical notion that other humans are not just background characters in your story but have their own hopes, fears, and interior lives.
The tiny miraculous bridge between one human heart and another that allows us to comfort a crying child, celebrate a friend’s joy, or, at the very least, not shove people out of the way in the grocery store.
Apparently, empathy is dangerous?
I had just spent an entire day at an elementary school. (I’ve been busy doing lots of school visits this year. It’s been amazing.) We talked about empathy. (I know. Reckless).
The students immediately got it. They told their own stories of helping siblings, sharing, giving, and checking in on people who looked sad.
There was even a heroic story of a student dedicated to saving earthworms stuck to the sidewalk. It was gripping.
Then, I made a mistake.
I checked social media.
There it was: a few people I know and love were sharing elaborate warnings about ….
the “dangers of empathy”.
Now, I am very aware of many dangers in this world right now. But this? This was entirely new to me.
Someone else shared a post with the words: “Empathy is a sin”.
More than one person I know and love actually shared things that said that. They weren’t joking. And it has continued to happen.
“Weaponized guilt!”
“Don’t fall for empathy”
“Empathy is dangerous! Don’t believe it.”
Stunned. I have read their posts multiple times to ensure I wasn’t totally misreading or somehow having a stroke.
Empathy makes us weak.
Empathy is wrong.
Enough with empathy.
Over the next few days and weeks, I have continued seeing variations of this argument in posts and comments. Sometimes about immigration. Sometimes about prison rehabilitation. Sometimes about halftime shows. Sometimes just because people needed an excuse to let the internet know how much they dislike people? I guess? Unclear.
Somewhere along the way, empathy - the simple, baseline ability to recognize other human beings - has become a controversial ask.
I mean, I kind of get it.
Empathy is inconvenient.
It forces you to do things like:
Pause before assuming someone is the worst. (Exhausting.)
Acknowledge that people are not cartoon villains. (Boring.)
Hold many complicated truths at the same time. (Brain hurty.)
Empathy takes work.
And somewhere along the way, we started confusing empathy with just being nice.
Nice is smiling politely at the barista.
Nice is saying “no worries!” when someone bumps into you.
Nice is letting the guy with one item go ahead of you in the checkout line.
But empathy is more. Empathy challenges us.
Empathy is realizing that the rude barista might be holding it together by a thread and choosing not to give up.
Empathy is understanding that the guy who bumped into you might be distracted by something heavier than a grocery list.
Empathy is standing in the checkout line behind a guy with 47 items and thinking, ‘Man, what if this is the first time in a long time he’s been able to afford this much food?’
Empathy takes effort and imagination.
And, yes, that is infinitely harder than just being nice.
May I say something controversial?
Prepare yourself.
I’m not holding back anymore:
Empathy is good.
I’m sorry for bringing something so offensive into this space.
I am feeling a little more confident now, though, so I will say it louder:
Empathy is good.
I know. I am a dangerous man. Sit down if you need to. Calm yourself. Please, drop the nunchucks, ma’am. Drink some water. Dab your forehead.
Imagine a world where no one cares about anything but themselves (It’s easy if you try…) A world where people constantly cut in lines. Where turn signals become optional. Where nobody helps anyone. Where every email starts with ‘per my last email …’
That’s where we’re headed … (except much, much, much, much worse.)
We have to decide empathy is not too much.
As we refresh our little doom rectangles and get updates on the world, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. It’s a confusing time to be a person these days. We are distracted and disoriented. But please. For the kids. For me. For all of us:
Don’t get so confused by this confusing world that you convince yourself empathy is the problem.
It’s a solution.
It’s holding so much together.
It’s the way forward. I believe it’s our only way forward.
Empathy is good. And empathy is not a high bar.
So here’s the challenge:
Try it. Try to take an extra second to care. To wonder. To hold space for the possibility that people are more than just the worst thing you can assume about them.
Do the brave, better thing and imagine the best.
We must embrace empathy. Because if we don’t? We don’t just lose kindness. We lose each other.
I often close out my time with students by hearing from them. They ask great questions. More often, though, they give me great answers. Answers about the kind of world they want to see.
A world where people have what they need. A world there’s lots of laughter and no longing. A world where folks say, “Are you okay?” instead of “You’re in my way.”
Kids get it. So, maybe, instead of warning young people about the dangers of empathy, we should start taking notes.
Because honestly? If a first grader can spot an earthworm on the sidewalk and move it back to the dirt because ‘that guy needs a second chance’ I think we grownups can find the strength to live with a little more heart, too.
Empathy isn’t passive.
Empathy isn’t weak.
Empathy is how we make it.
p.s. Last week, I sent out a post about who really changes the world. This amazing community has responded with HUNDREDS of names and stories of real-world changemakers. Thank you. I’ve been trying to respond properly to as many as I can. So inspired by you all. I love love love reading your comments and emails. Keep them coming.
A few ways you can support my work:
+ Zip and the Tiny Sprouts just won Best Original Preschool web series at the 2025 Kidscreen Awards! So proud of this little show and the amazing team behind it. I had the joy of helping create and develop its world and characters. It’s been a dream to see come to life. If you know any tiny sprouts in your life, watch and share!
+ Wondersparks is a free collection of resources for anyone who works with young people. We teamed up with educators to create companion curriculum, projects, and other elements connected to our books and beyond. Pass this along to any teachers you know!
+ Our art exhibit “We hope you fail better!” is still on display at the Saugatuck Center for the Arts in Michigan! If you’re in the area, please stop by and let us know what you think!
I love this post today, thank you for writing it. Empathy is needed more than ever, and we need to keep talking about it. As a teacher (meditation and energy work) I talk about it with students. As an artist I have been thinking about empathy while painting.
We know that the bullies repeat lies over and over in order to make them true, like casting a nasty spell. Let's all do our version of that from a place of love and empathy.
Your work is lovely, thanks for sharing it!
I've been having some medical problems lately and what's amazing is that the people who have shown kindness and support aren't always the people I thought would. I have great coworkers, but also some customers have been so kind. "I haven't seen you in a while," they say. Or, "You were missed." Unexpected empathy! 💓 Wonderful! You never know what people are going through and dealing with. Acknowledge that!